“I grew up in Metuchen, and I started using drugs when I was 13,” said Kate, who only identified herself by her first name. “I couldn’t function without drugs. I had to use drugs every day before school, and then in school I would use again so I didn’t get sick. I didn’t have friends, and I had no self-respect and no self-esteem. But I didn’t realize there was something wrong until I turned 16. I was failing out of school, and I was asked to get treatment or leave Metuchen High School. I signed a piece of paper and went to rehab, which requested a twelve-step fellowship.”
These were words spoken by Kate, now 20 years old, who was one of the speakers at Metuchen’s first annual Recovery Month Celebration, held at Borough Hall on Sept. 29. The evening, organized by the Metuchen Municipal Alliance, was comprised of a panel discussion of speakers including drug and alcohol experts, local leaders, and several former addicts now in recovery. Approximately 65 members of the public were in attendance.
National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month is an annual observance that takes place each September. The purpose is to highlight the benefits of substance abuse treatment and spread the message that recovery from substance abuse addiction is possible.
Alliance representative and borough resident Irene Morris-Nann said that the idea for the evening stemmed from the realization of just how difficult it is to openly discuss the disease of addiction.
“The stigma attached to the disease makes it a tough subject to talk about,” she said after the evening. “We wanted to bring it out in the open and show that it happens to a large percentage of people. It is so prevalent that probably half the people in the room that night are somehow affected by somebody else’s addiction. I just want people suffering from addiction to know that there are resources out there that can help them.”
For Nann, the subject of the evening was of personal significance as well.
“I, like 67 percent of the population, am affected by someone else’s drinking or drug use,” she said. “It hit home for me about 10 years ago, when it was affecting my family, and there was a lot of shame and embarrassment. The stigma attached to the disease can be overwhelming. If my loved one had cancer, I wouldn’t be embarrassed to tell anyone, but with this, I can’t say it out loud without someone looking down at me. Today, I have family members and friends in recovery, and I go to a twelve-step support group for people affected by addiction. I still have one family member not in recovery, but I can put one foot in front of the other because I have support.”
Panel members took turns speaking. They included Metuchen Police Chief James Keane, Joe Conti of First Step Counseling in Metuchen, Chris Barton of the Partnership for a Drug-Free New Jersey, and Student Assistance Counselor Judi Cheung of the Metuchen school district, along with three former addicts now in recovery.
“Police usually are in the business of detecting and apprehending individuals who are using drugs and alcohol,” said Chief Keane. “But for some people, the arrest is the beginning for them to get help to overcome their addiction. A lot of people come to our building to get help, with some even asking to speak to me directly. Sometimes they are parents, and sometimes it is the person who has the problem. At that point we reach out to various agencies we are familiar with for them to get the help they need.”
In New Jersey, cocaine is still the most popular drug and drug of choice, Keane said, though law enforcement is now also seeing an uptick in heroin use in Middlesex County. In 2008, heroin was used by 18-25 year olds in New Jersey at a rate that was more than twice as high as the national average.
“Heroin is now very cheap, it is easy to get, and it is very addictive,” he said. “Also, crime used to be 50 to 60 percent drug-related, but now it has gone up to being 65 to 75 percent drug-related. Drugs drive the crime rate up, especially with regards to burglaries, thefts, and larcenies. Really anything these people need to do support their habit they are going to do.”
According to a report published last month in the New York Times, street heroin in New Jersey is among the purest in the country, with purity levels as high as 72 percent, making the drug even more addictive and harder to quit.
Also speaking that night were married couple Frank and Marla, who are both recovering addicts. Frank said that he suffered all “throughout adolescence” as a result of his addiction to drugs.
“Dealing with addiction is the worst thing I have ever dealt with,” he said. “It is a disease that is so greedy it will take everything until there is nothing left. For years I suffered. I hid things, and I became a detective running around chasing doctors and drug dealers. It wasn’t until I reached a point where I was almost on my knees and out of options that one night, with my health suffering, I went on the computer and did a search and found a twelve-step group.”
“Since then, the road to recovery has taught me to be grateful and to be compassionate when dealing with addicts,” Frank said. “Without recovery, I probably wouldn’t be married, and my kids wouldn’t be drug-free themselves.”
His wife Marla said that her problems with drugs began while she was still a pre-teen, when she started using her mother’s prescription drugs as a way to treat her own anxiety.
“I grew up in a very dysfunctional household, with a lot of neglect, chaos, yelling, and screaming,” she said. “I also came to learn that I was adopted, which caused me a lot of pain. I believe every addict who turns to drugs has had some kind of pain or trauma in their life, and they are trying to numb that pain. So I started using drugs at a very young age as a way of self-medicating. My mother had a nervous condition and needed to take a particular pill. I had some anxiety, and I thought I would try some of those. It worked for a while, but with the disease of addiction, I did not stop at that particular drug.
Marla said that there were only “a few drugs” that she didn’t end up experimenting with over her life.
“Addiction is a disease of low self-esteem and self-loathing,” she said. “I thought there was something innately wrong with me, and I needed drugs to feel normal. I didn’t understand that I had a disease. As an adult I used heavily, which continued for many years, but eventually, I was introduced to a twelve-step program, and I immediately felt as though I belonged. I got a sponsor who knew a lot more than me, who had 21 years in recovery, and I started listening to some of the things she was saying. I felt as though these people understood me. The most important thing I learned was that everything about my life had to change, and from that moment on, it was fairly easy to stay clean. I now say that if I could stop using drugs and become a productive member of society, anybody can.”
Marla has since returned to school to become an alcohol and drug counselor.
But perhaps the most poignant moment of the night was offered by Kate, who said that she always thought she was going to “die an addict.”
“I am now 20 years old, but at one point I didn’t think I was going to live past 19,” she said. “Addiction was my whole life, and my whole life was a mess. I never realized how much damage I did to my family and the people that really loved me. I wasn’t invited to Thanksgiving, and I didn’t get to go to Christmas. I didn’t have a relationship with anyone in my family. I didn’t believe that there was anything out there that could help me, and I thought I was going to die an addict. I was incredibly miserable and unhappy. But then I attended my first twelve-step meeting, and for the first time I really felt a part of something. It took me a little while, but I got clean in 2008. It was hard, but I have a really good life today. It’s good to be a part of a community that I took so much from as a child… where I did a lot of bad things.”
“There was more than one time that I have sat here in the borough’s police station, and it wasn’t because I was invited to speak to people,” Kate said. “But today I can give back. I go to college. I have a job, and I’m not stealing money from my job. Though in the past I had been asked by my grandmother to not come over for the holidays, now I live in her house and cook dinner for Thanksgiving. I’m proud of the progress I’ve made over the last three years, and I can be a part of my family’s life again. Now I have the best life I could have ever imagined.”
If you have a problem with drugs or alcohol, you can call First Step Counseling in Metuchen at 732-549-0401 for confidential advice and help.
